Against All Hope
by Lizicia
Summary: 'He watches her walk away and it breaks him. So he quits while it doesn't change anything for the better because Annie will likely never trust him again.' Annie/Eyal, post-3x14.


**A/N:** So, I've finally gathered the courage to approach the mess that Eyal's made in his relationship with Annie. I'm still not quite sure what is going on or what the grand scheme of things is but I just had to make these two crazy kids sit down and talk to each other. Also, the next episode promo? Is killing me.

This is some reflection on 3x14 but mostly takes place after it. And while it probably won't happen on the show, it is more than a reality in fanfiction world.

**Disclaimer: **Nope, they don't belong to me or Oded Fehr would be a regular. And a more permanent fixture in Annie's life.

* * *

He watches her walk away and it breaks him, just a little bit, and he's fairly certain he's just done the same to her. The look in her eyes when she pleaded with him to say something, to tell her he wasn't just using her, is one he hoped he would never have to see.

Eyal's done some horrible things for Mossad but he thinks this just might be the worst. Not only because he took Annie's trust and used it against her, on their orders, but because he has used his own trust in her against himself. Rivka, knowledgeable about his protectiveness towards Annie, about his feelings for her, turned it into an advantage for the agency and forced his hand.

Later, when she reminds him about the grand scheme of things and how this woman, this American spy, is only a small piece in the puzzle, he doesn't want to acknowledge it. Because this, whatever it was, this trust between them, this way they had with each other, seems to be bigger than anything which has recently been in his life and now he's thrown it away, carelessly.

So he quits. And he knows Rivka is flabbergasted; she might have expected him to have developed some affection for Annie but never to this extent, never to be chosen over his loyalty to Mossad, to his country. And while it doesn't change anything for the better because Annie will likely never trust him again, he feels just a tiny bit better, like he can regain his peace of mind if he can truly stay away from the lure Mossad has always had over him.

* * *

He's drinking his second Sazerac at his place, contemplating whether he should go back to Israel or just stay in Washington when he hears the key turn in the lock and though he instinctively reaches for his gun, a part of him hopes for the impossible. And then it walks into his living room in the form of Annie Walker.

"What are you doing here?" She seems surprised to see him and while he doesn't show it, he's equally affected because this was much easier when he could make a clean break.

"I live here, remember? The question should be why are _you_ here."

He stands but notices her take a step back at that; she's wary of him, the trust they'd achieved nowhere to be found, her hurt feelings guiding her actions. So he stops and waits for her to explain herself.

She looks at everywhere in the room in an effort not to make eye contact with him. "I...I left some things here and I came to collect them. I figured you'd be in Tel Aviv by now."

Her intention is an acute reminder of what he's destroyed; he let her stay at his place, against orders, against his better judgment, against every protocol they both should've been following.

"Well, make yourself at home then."

He gestures with a wide sweep of his hand and doesn't realize the effect his words inadvertently hve until it's too late and they've left him. Her eyes widen but her lips press into a thin line, like she's trying her best to not say anything that doesn't need to be said.

She moves towards the bedroom and Eyal hears shuffling and rustling moments later. In his mind's eye he can see it all – her moving about, folding her clothes, collecting the earrings from the bedside table, deposing of the small bottle of perfume next to them, removing her shoes from the wardrobe. It feels domestic and right and he hasn't felt like this since he watched his wife gather her things and walk out of the door with their infant son in her arms.

But he pushes that thought down. Annie is not Hena, not even close. She is – _was_ – just a friend, someone he worked with and didn't even see all that much. He doesn't want to believe in subtle hints and hidden signals, despite being a spy, so he's managed to squash every thought of there having been more. To believe that this was something more from both of them would be insanity.

Annie returns, her bag packed and her eyes dart around in the kitchen and in the living room, coming to a stop at the bottle of Peychaud's on the kitchen counter.

"That's also mine. But I see you've put it to good use."

"Oh, she speaks."

Maybe his words have more of an edge than they should but he blames it on the alcohol he has already consumed. There is nothing here for him to feel bitter about, not when he's the one who has caused all this damage and yet the emptiness he's starting to feel makes him irritable.

"Fine, you can keep it then. I hope the Sazerac is good."

"We both know it's not the best in town but it'll do."

Her eyes flash with something – recognition, then indignation, hurt, anger – but she doesn't respond, only looks out of the window, lost in some thought she isn't going to share with him, at least not anymore.

"Goodbye, Annie." He makes the first move once again, reminding her she's here to leave and she nods once in response.

"Goodbye, Eyal." And then she's walking away from him, out of his life and he turns around, not wanting to see it; once a day is quite enough for him to see her leave.

Suddenly the footsteps stop and she walks back, towards him and he thinks maybe she forgot something, maybe she'll take the Peychaud's after all. But her voice permeates the air instead.

"So it was all a game to you? All of it?"

The hurt she's been trying to disguise, is now all in her voice, for everyone to see, for him to hear and for the umpteenth time in the course of their relation- _friendship_, he feels a stab of guilt.

"Of course it was. You're a spy too, Annie, you shouldn't be so surprised. Like I said, you were an easy mark."

"I don't buy it, Eyal."

He faces her now and something deep inside him forces out the words he thought he'd never say. "Oh, because you've never had to do it? Don't forget, I've seen everything you did with Simon Fischer. You should know exactly how these kinds of operations go."

He hurts her even more than he already has with bringing up Simon and he knows it but he has to keep her away, so he will go to whatever lengths he needs to.

"See, the thing about Simon is that I didn't manage to stay detached from it. I loved him even when I knew what he was, even though he was a mark. But I guess you don't have the emotional capability to feel attached."

Now Annie's turned the tables on him and while he would never admit to it, her words hurt him in turn and manage to penetrate the wall he's been trying to keep between them. But he's not going to admit defeat.

"I guess I'm a better operative than you, then. I don't confuse my job with my personal feelings."

"So that's why you told me about your sister? That's why you showed me your son, the most intimate and personal part of who you are? You may be efficient and calculating in your work but I know you; you wouldn't use your family as a game."

And she does know him which is the single biggest regret he'll have when this is finished, when she's out of his life for good. There hasn't been anyone to really know him in a very long time which is why this is dangerous ground they're treading, unstable and slippery.

"And you might say you are a better operative than me if you hadn't gotten emotionally involved, like you claim to, but your actions speak against you, Eyal. Do you honestly expect me to believe that you saving me from a Russian prison was a game, that not letting me throw away my career in Israel was a game, that all your words were just a part of the game? And maybe you even want to believe it but I'll tell you the one thing you never did – you never took advantage of me."

He lets out a short laugh, to convey incredulity while knowing exactly where she's going with this but hoping to distract her anyway. "Never took advantage? Everything you just listed was taking advantage, was using your ill-suited feelings against you and making sure this operation went as planned."

But she doesn't take the bait, doesn't resort to anger over the betrayal. "You could've seduced me very easily so many times. In Israel, you could've kept on with your seduction even though you already knew what I was involved in, who I was involved with, but you stopped. After Russia, when you gave me this apartment, _your_ apartment. You could've stayed, I would've let you, I even wanted you to and yet, you walked away. And don't tell me you didn't see me wanting it because everyone around us sure did."

He doesn't have an answer now because to respond truthfully would be to admit defeat and she would see through every lie he has to offer.

"I think this was not a game, at least not to you. I think Mossad made you do this because they had something to leverage over you, because that's what they do. I think you didn't want me to be with you under false pretenses which goes to show exactly what kind of a man you really are and proves to me that you had nothing to do with those photos because that's just not something you would do."

Through her speech, she's been advancing until she's standing right in front of him and he has to grip the counter to keep himself from reaching out to her.

"There is more at stake here than this, Annie." It's a half-truth because it's impossible to keep lying when she's looking at him with so much hope in her eyes, so much emotion.

"Just tell me I wasn't a mark, Eyal."

It's the second time this day that she's put her trust in him out there, reaching blindly for that nameless thing they share. And he knows he shouldn't tell her anything, shouldn't own up to anything but there is hope blossoming inside of him which is dangerous. He holds out for one last time.

"How do I know this isn't a set-up to make me own up to something just so the CIA could cut Mossad out of the equation?"

"Because right now, I'm not the CIA and you're not Mossad. And just like I know you, you know me and I would never do this. To you." The last sentence is an afterthought because she has done this kind of a thing before, of course, but she wouldn't do it to him, even after everything he's done to ruin this.

"And maybe this is foolish and naive on my part but this is who I am and I still do trust you, Eyal, maybe against my better judgment."

He fights with himself for a moment longer but sees the expectant look in her eyes, the way she's willing to just go with it and finds that there's nothing which could drive her away.

"Annie..." That one word, her name, conveys more than all the words he could come up with; it is filled with sentences he cannot bring himself to say. _It wasn't a game. I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you. This is a mistake. I can't want you. But I do._

And yet she hears everything he doesn't say. The smile that expands over her face is glorious, like the first rays of sun after a bleak winter and going against everything he's been taught, everything he should be doing, he reaches for her, hugging her so tightly it's a miracle she can still breathe. But she's holding him just as tightly, the balance between them being restored.

And then she kisses him, the joy in her hardly contained, and it finally feels like they're doing something right. She puts something of herself in that kiss and he responds equally, knowing that with her, he can't pretend. While he's done this so many times under different circumstances, this isn't one of those times. He recognized the truth in her words when she confronted him about not sleeping with her because that would've been a breach of trust he could never take back and that tells him everything about his feelings for her.

Now she's here, with him, giving herself to him so willingly, so ardently that he can't fight it anymore because he wouldn't have to pretend with her.

But still, he breaks the kiss, feeling the residue of his lies between them and the need to clear the air a bit more.

"Annie. I quit Mossad. So this won't come back and turn against you if you're really sure about this. But you must know how incredibly dangerous this could be."

She smiles softly, her hand caressing his cheek. "Even if you hadn't, I would still want this. Just tell me – are you willing to risk it all? Because I don't think either of us can go back."

And for a moment, he lets himself think about, lets himself daydream which is something he never does because he's learned to trust only in the reality. He doesn't see the problems this could cause both of them professionally, doesn't see the fallout which could be devastating, doesn't even see the grief when they should be forced apart. He can only see her, in this moment, looking like she's got everything she could ever have asked for and he's certain his own face is a match to hers.

"Then let's move forward, _neshema_."

Her bag never leaves his apartment that night.

* * *

**A/N: **I wasn't going to go all romantic with them but you can't always control your characters and they really wanted to. The ending is open for your interpretation of what happened next but the story is finished. So, please let me know how it came across.


End file.
